Grotto’s Take on the Pope’s Fictional New Year’s Resolutions
What personal resolutions might Pope Francis make as he approaches the New Year? His grueling schedule isn’t slowing down in the slightest.
As we approach the year ahead, Grotto contemplates how a Holy Father on the go might join his flock in resolving new things in 2018.
Grotto has the following suggestions for Francis in the coming months:
Talk to someone about seatbelts in the Popemobile
Safety first, as they say. We at Grotto would really like to see this done before the new year. The bruise makes you look pretty tough, but we’d like to avoid knocking your noggin in the future. You could take a jab to the face back in your younger days as a nightclub bouncer, but not so much now.
Get a dog
Specifically, a #PopeDog. It’d be nice to have some canine company, and you could visit Benedict together. The three of you could get matching mitres, and Grotto has a few thoughts on potential names.
Trademark the “Baby Pope” Halloween costume
You saw what happened when you visited America. It was Pope-mania: from t-shirts that featured your photo to Pope Emojis. Imagine the strides for charity if we sold an official outfit. All profits could go to your favorite children’s hospitals across the world. We might even suggest speaking to Giuseppe about this, get his feelings.
Finally drop that mixtape
You’re the only figure in the world that has the popularity rankings that are neck and neck with Chance The Rapper. Your authority on the mic is unmatched, and we’ve been told God speaks through you. You could do a multi-language release.
Advocate for mental health
When you spoke out about your time in therapy, it captivated the world. Uncertainty, doubt, and despair are everyday norms for many young adults. Telling fellow Catholics that there’s no shame in seeking help gives people the courage to give a voice to their pain. This could shine a light on the fears of so many.
As we approach 2018, Grotto invites you to share your prayer intention for Pope Francis this year. Tweet at us @GrottoNetwork using the hashtag #PrayforFrancis.