I’ve always been a very anxious and scared person. It’s something I’ve learned to live with but have recently made attempts to address.

Fear can be a good thing. It can ensure a level of reflection and preparedness as well as motivate us to do quality work. For me, however, this fear of failure became debilitating. I’d rather my dreams lived perfectly in my head than be imperfectly chased. 

So when I was asked to start a new podcast with Grotto, my immediate excitement at the idea was quickly followed by a near-overwhelming sense of dread. I began working on it and booking guests, but the deep fear remained. I questioned every idea I had and hesitated on every decision. Progress was slow and nerve-racking.

The delays we faced were partly logistical and partly personal. I was scared of how the show would be received. I still am. I remember frantically calling my boss in mid-December, asking for more time because I worried that the show was simply “not good enough yet.” It took a lot of external encouragement to commit to a final release date.

I heard this piece of advice once: “If you want something you’ve never had, you have to do something you’ve never done.” Now, that might seem dramatic in the context of releasing a podcast, but it’s a sentiment I try to bear in mind when the goal I have for myself seems distant and unattainable. I remember it as I make dozens of cold calls to potential guests and write bits for promotional material. And I hope it remains when the time comes to hit “post” on our first episode.

In the process of co-hosting and producing this podcast, I’ve slowly learned to let go of this fear. I’ve learned to detach its success (or failure) from my own self-worth. I even find myself getting excited to share it with others. Many of the guests on the show have humbly shared their own experiences of failure within their field and the necessary growth that resulted. As informative as the guests are, my biggest takeaway from our interviews is often motivational in nature. Together with the satisfaction of seeing my original concept come to life, this entire endeavor has been a huge lesson in overcoming fear, trusting my instincts, and following through on ideas.

Five years ago, when I was first starting college, I never would have predicted that I’d have a job creating and hosting my own show. Having this project under my belt and learning the lessons I have, my future goals seem more realistic and exciting. Who knows where the next five years will take me?

This month at Grotto, we’re asking just that: where do you see yourself…five years from now? How about next week? In this new year? At the end of your life? Join us as we share stories on success, failure, career goals, passions, disappointments, and all the things that push us along the way of discovering who we’re made to be.

Oh, and we’ll be dropping a new pod. Be on the lookout March 14.

—Jane O’Connor
Associate Video Produce