Read

How to Use “Cues” to Form Intentional Habits

Creator:
Published:
December 14, 2023
May 15, 2023
How to Use “Cues” to Form Intentional Habits

I was recently sharing with a group of friends how frustrated I am that I cannot sustain new habits. It seems that no matter how hard I try, I find myself unable to do the things that are good for me. Instead, I turn to bad habits and lesser goods. My friend, a speech therapist with a wonderfully merciful heart, heard all this grumbling and shared with me a principle she uses with her clients — a principle that I’ve recently become a little obsessed with. 

There is a term in speech therapy called cueing, or more specifically, max cueing. Max cueing is when the patient passes a skill as the direct result of the therapist’s promptings. If you pass a skill with “max cueing,” it doesn’t matter if you need the therapist to cue you every single time; it doesn’t even matter if you respond appropriately every time, it just means that for most of the time you heard the cue, you responded appropriately. 

I love this concept. It combines the gamifying element of habit stacking, made popular by James Clear’s Atomic Habits, with a hefty dose of mercy.

If this is still hard for you to wrap your brain around, think of the Angelus prayer as an example of max cueing. The Angelus can usually be said in no more than a few minutes, it alternates three short Gospel passages with three Hail Marys in an incredibly concise retelling of the moment God became man. As early as the 12th century, church bells would ring out in the early morning, noon, and night to remind anyone in the surrounding area it was time to pray the Angelus. Multiple times a day, everyone’s attention turned to something greater than themselves. The best part is, they didn’t even need to initiate the relationship; they just had to respond to the cue — whether they were walking through town or working in a field. It’s genius really, it gives us fallible humans with incredibly short attention spans the opportunity to turn back into relationship with Jesus.

In my own life, I’ve wanted to start my day with a consecration for years and never made any consistent progress. A consecration doesn’t need to be anything elaborate, just a few intentional moments in the morning for me to talk to God and remember that, everything I’m doing that day, I’m doing for the love of Him. I eventually realized part of my problem is that my morning routine is constantly changing, especially with small kids at home and a community of friends that meet early in the morning. In fact, there is only one singular event that happens without fail every morning: I feel overwhelmed. Now, this immediate feeling of anxiety is my new cue to consecrate my day to Jesus. The irony is, the thing that made me feel like such a failure, is now the thing that brings me back into communion. It’s been four months now and my streak has stayed strong.

I’ve since found myself on the hunt for other cues, other ways I can open my eyes to the promptings that are already around me. For now, they’re cues like standing dates with friends who love me and memorized prayers before a meal. They can even be cues that I create, like placing my bike on the front porch so I have to pass it on the way to my car or filling up my next day’s water bottle before I go to bed at night. The most important thing for me to remember is that my success is not about my own effort, it’s about giving myself as many opportunities to succeed as possible; and being gentle with myself when I inevitably fail. 

The historian and writer Will Durant wrote (in summarizing Aristotle), “We are what we repeatedly do.” So, what do you repeatedly do? And how can you leverage those cues into intentional habits that have the possibility to truly transform your life, little by little?

Creators:
Megan Ulrich
Published:
December 14, 2023
May 15, 2023
On a related note...
St. Thomas the Apostle Spotify Playlist | #GrottoMusic

St. Thomas the Apostle Spotify Playlist | #GrottoMusic

Grotto

Why It's Important to Attend Wakes and Funerals

Why It's Important to Attend Wakes and Funerals

Lisa Greey Lytwyn

How Baseball Teams Celebrate Mass During the Season

How Baseball Teams Celebrate Mass During the Season

Grotto Shares

Are You Building Your Life Around the Wrong Expectations?

Are You Building Your Life Around the Wrong Expectations?

Julia Hogan-Werner

Grief Can Make the Holidays Beautiful if We Let It

Grief Can Make the Holidays Beautiful if We Let It

Genevieve Nield

Mindful Eating: What It Is and How to Do It

Mindful Eating: What It Is and How to Do It

Bethany Meola

Looking for More Joy and Gratitude? Try a ‘Hedonic Reset’

Looking for More Joy and Gratitude? Try a ‘Hedonic Reset’

Chris Hazell

5 Strategies to Stay Calm Under Pressure at Work

5 Strategies to Stay Calm Under Pressure at Work

Mary Claire Lagroue

How to Rebuild After Divorce

How to Rebuild After Divorce

Patty Breen

My Christmas Eve "Confession"

My Christmas Eve "Confession"

Liz Colleran

6 Ways to Help a Friend Going Through Infertility

6 Ways to Help a Friend Going Through Infertility

Bethany Meola

How and Why to Pursue Comedy as a Hobby

How and Why to Pursue Comedy as a Hobby

Brandy Norton

A Guide to Eating Healthy in College

A Guide to Eating Healthy in College

Coty Miller

The Try-Something-New-Every-Day Challenge

The Try-Something-New-Every-Day Challenge

Tom Gannon

Why God Asks Us to Love Even When It's Hard

Why God Asks Us to Love Even When It's Hard

Laura MacLean Reynolds

What is Contemplative Prayer?

What is Contemplative Prayer?

Amanda Roberts

Why Don't Catholics Eat Meat on Fridays During Lent?

Why Don't Catholics Eat Meat on Fridays During Lent?

Grotto

Is Your Conscience Real and Does It Matter?

Is Your Conscience Real and Does It Matter?

Mike Tenney

Hate Your Job? These 4 Questions Will Help You Move Forward

Hate Your Job? These 4 Questions Will Help You Move Forward

Marye Colleen Larme

Documentary Captures Dorothy Day’s Life as a Difference Maker

Documentary Captures Dorothy Day’s Life as a Difference Maker

Jessie McCartney

newsletter

We’d love to be pals.

Sign up for our newsletter, and we’ll meet you in your inbox each week.