Personality tests — we love them, or we love to hate them. One of the key labels of identity is the quintessential “Are you an introvert or an extrovert?” question and within five seconds of meeting someone, it is easy to put them in a box. The reality is that both introversion and extroversion are spectrums, and a lot of people struggle to answer that question because they exhibit traits of both. Herein lies a third option: the introverted extrovert. If you struggle to strongly identify with either extreme, read on to spot the signs and diagnose yourself as an introverted extrovert.
You have a lot of friends but most of them are one-on-one friendships.
Extroverts are commonly associated with having a lot of friends, regardless of the quality of those friendships. They can make friends easily and their network consists of big friend groups. The more, the merrier is the extrovert mentality. On the flip side, introverts look for quality over quantity. They will take one good friend over thirty fair weather friends. The introverted extrovert lies in the middle. While they have a robust social network, most of those relationships are individual friendships because while the introverted extrovert seeks the company of many, they also look for people who add value to their lives. They don’t conform to a friend group because they carefully evaluate each friend they let into their heart.
You prefer deep conversations over small talk.
The extrovert is known for their ability to master any social situation they are in. It’s a talent, really. They have a seemingly effortless ability to talk to anyone, as if they have known that person for a long time when they just met them. On the flip side, the introvert is slow to open up, sometimes awkward and struggles to know what to say in social situations. The introverted extrovert takes the best of both worlds: the ability to converse well, but instead of keeping the conversation to small talk (an introvert’s worst nightmare), the introverted extrovert has a way of facilitating a discussion that allows for deep conversation, even if it is at a party.
Your social battery lasts longer with the right people.
Extroverts gain their energy by being around people. The extreme extrovert is the type to Facetime or be texting people when they are home alone. The introvert needs time alone to recharge and often leaves gatherings early because their social battery has been used up. The introverted extrovert loves being around people and if they are with their people, their social battery does not run out. However, what makes them introverted is that if they are hanging out with people they are not particularly close to, they will want to dip sooner than later because they do not like feeling like they have to put up a front. That drains their social battery.
You can react in the moment, but it takes you time to process events.
Extroverts are highly reactive in the sense that they are in tune with the outside world and can react in the moment. They can form what they want to say without much trouble. Introverts take a while to respond and are often the type to wish they would have spoken up in the moment because the perfect line came to them after. The introverted extrovert is quick to respond, but it often takes them a hot minute to actually process how they felt about what just happened to them. While they can say what they wanted to say in the moment, sometimes they look back and wish they had stood up for themselves more or known the depth of their feelings as the event unfolded.
For as much as you talk, you also love to listen.
As someone who appears to be completely extroverted, I am often told that I should be quiet more because I talk a lot. And when I am not talking, I am writing. Extroverts love the sound of their own voice. They think that what they have to say is always important (even when some things are better left unsaid). Conversely, the introvert is a great listener. They spend their lives receiving the people around them. And they do it well. There’s a quote that says, “we have two ears and one mouth for a reason — to talk less and listen more.” The introverted extrovert says, “por qué no los dos?” with regards to how much they speak and listen. While they love to talk, they also love to listen, and when people open up to them, they are often adept at reading in between the lines and are able to know what to say that shows the other person that they were heard.
You possess both sanguine and melancholic traits.
This bullet addresses the four temperaments: sanguine, melancholic, choleric, and phlegmatic. When I took the temperaments test, I was equal parts sanguine and melancholic. It is often said that these two cannot co-exist in one person, but if you are an introverted extrovert, this blend makes sense. The sanguine is peppy, scatter-brained, and outgoing while the melancholic thinks and feels deeply, struggles to forgive, and is detail-oriented. I have often felt the clash of my blends because I am the loudest person I know, but I am also one of the deepest thinkers I know. I love to go out and dance all night, but I also love sitting in silent prayer and spending time with the Lord over being with any other human person. The ability to demonstrate this dichotomy within one human being is what makes the introverted extrovert so special because they can adjust to the wide spectrum of people by possessing the strengths that each of the extremes are characterized by.
As I’ve navigated through life as a self-proclaimed introverted extrovert, I have found that there are more positives than there are negatives. While I can sometimes feel like parts of my personality contradict, more often than not, I am thankful that I possess traits of introversion and extroversion at almost equal capacity because it allows me to get along with a myriad of different personalities and to cater the way that I speak to whoever is on the receiving end of my speech. I would also like to note that this list may not apply to all introverted extroverts because people cannot be put into boxes, but rather this is a sample of my observations as an introverted extrovert. No matter the personality blend, each person is unique — even though introverted extroverts can bond through some of these similarities, each person brings something different to the table.
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