Read

This Practice Helps Us Build Our Relationship on Trust

Published:
January 8, 2024
January 25, 2021
Learn the importance of trust in a relationship from this author's personal love story with his fiancé.|Learn the importance of trust in a relationship from this author's personal love story with his fiancé.

My fiancée, Molly, and I met through some shared friends who set us up at their wedding. Despite some initial mutual avoidance, when we ended up connecting during the wedding, sparks flew and chemistry was clear. But when I tried to get her number and ended up with her work email, you can imagine I was a little confused.

So after parting ways after the wedding (she to western Pennsylvania and I to the greater Boston area), I decided to email this beautiful woman in hopes that the romance was real and it would lead to… something. After eight long excruciating days of waiting, Molly finally emailed me back.

The only problem is that she made it clear she was unavailable because she was taking a break from dating.

After some emailing we agreed to an initial phone call, which I thought went swimmingly after four hours of talking. Soon after, though, Molly asked for another phone conversation. In this second phone call, she told me she felt called to confirm the chemistry we both experienced at the wedding while at the same time reiterating her commitment to avoid dating.

Molly used a phrase in that conversation — bringing things into the light — that has since become a motto for our relationship. She used the phrase as a way to acknowledge the truth of what was happening in the midst of an apparent conflict. She acknowledged our clear attraction for one another, and also the commitment she made to not date for a period of time. Rather than wrestle with this contradiction alone, she “brought it into the light” by naming it so that we could hold it together.

This initial moment of vulnerability and trust set a precedent for our relationship. We were able to have honest conversations about how to continue getting to know each other while honoring Molly’s dating fast.

As we continued to “bring things into the light,” our friendship deepend and we had many conversations that helped us get to know each other in an intentional way. Some of these conversations were difficult and vulnerable as they included challenges and insecurities that touched places of fear and shame. Because of our motto of “bringing things into the light,” though, we trusted each other to receive things gently and without judgment.

Our appreciation for intentional sharing deepened to the point that we began to create conversational space for each other to reveal the truth of what was on our hearts and minds. We developed a habit of gently inviting each other to share, and we recognized that when the other does the same, together, we are able to hold differences with charity, trusting that the other has our best interest at heart. That dynamic grew trust between us. Eventually, despite being a thousand miles apart, our intentional conversations led to dating (and later into discernment for marriage).

Now Molly and I are engaged and we continue to marvel and be thankful for the grace of “bringing things into the light.” We look back and see how the fruit born from our motto has helped us navigate tricky and difficult situations in a way that has drawn us closer together. For us, “bringing things into the light” has been and will be an important part of developing trust and sustaining our relationship.

Creators:
Molly Spalding, Michael O'Neill
Published:
January 8, 2024
January 25, 2021
On a related note...
How to Balance What You Want vs What Your Family Wants

How to Balance What You Want vs What Your Family Wants

Tanner Kalina

How My Reactive Dog Changed the Way I Relate to Others

How My Reactive Dog Changed the Way I Relate to Others

Molly Cruitt

Father’s Day Spotify Playlist | #GrottoMusic

Father’s Day Spotify Playlist | #GrottoMusic

Grotto

What the **** Lord? And Other Prayers

What the **** Lord? And Other Prayers

Ricky McRoskey

How to Start New Traditions With Your Spouse

How to Start New Traditions With Your Spouse

Mike Jordan Laskey

Developing Your Listening Skills Can Be a Game-Changer

Developing Your Listening Skills Can Be a Game-Changer

Khang Tran

15 New Games for Your Next Night In

15 New Games for Your Next Night In

Molly Cruitt

3 Keys to Engaging With Those We Disagree With

3 Keys to Engaging With Those We Disagree With

Neil Fulton

"Examination"

"Examination"

Lesley Clinton

"Welcoming the Stranger"

"Welcoming the Stranger"

Ellen B. Koneck

"Lost One"

"Lost One"

Lesley Clinton

A Groom’s Guide to Marriage Prep

A Groom’s Guide to Marriage Prep

Josh Flynt

4 Tips for Becoming a More Patient Person

4 Tips for Becoming a More Patient Person

Maria Walley

4 Tips for Making Long-Distance Relationships Work

4 Tips for Making Long-Distance Relationships Work

Kate Fowler

Why I Changed My Last Name — And Don’t Care That You Didn’t

Why I Changed My Last Name — And Don’t Care That You Didn’t

Mariah Cressy

A Therapist Explains 3 Common Relationship Issues

A Therapist Explains 3 Common Relationship Issues

Paul Campbell

What It's Really Like to Lose Someone Close to You

What It's Really Like to Lose Someone Close to You

Sophie Caldecott

An Easy Guide to Writing Meaningful Thank-You Notes

An Easy Guide to Writing Meaningful Thank-You Notes

Ellen B. Koneck

Free Download: College Packing Checklist for Roommates

Free Download: College Packing Checklist for Roommates

Grotto

Know the Warning Signs of Domestic Violence

Know the Warning Signs of Domestic Violence

Sarah Portner, LMSW

Domestic violence — or intimate partner violence — is not uncommon. Know the warning signs of it that may impact someone you know or love.

newsletter

We’d love to be pals.

Sign up for our newsletter, and we’ll meet you in your inbox each week.