“Desperately seeking some guidance”

Desperately seeking some guidance

In my perfect, imagined world
I’ve come with an instruction manual.
And none of the pieces are missing.

In this perfect world
God has thrown down a rock from Heaven
with step by step instructions.
Think the 10 Commandments,
but “me” edition.

In my imagined world
my soul leaps, strides, glides
with purpose. It doesn’t question:
What does God want from me?

It doesn’t despair of a life of insignificance.

In this perfect, perfect world
my whole soul and body
and lump of brain, the tingling
in my skin under the sun,

Know, know
that You gently place each of us
where we belong.

Here, my soul knows that
You are the ultimate matchmaker.
You can find any missing or stray
sock and bring it back to its pair.

You know our favorite color
and our last word even before we do.
And You are guarding it all.

But in this perfect world, too,
Your ways are not a mystery to me.
Not like here, where I’m looking
through a dark glass.

I’m so impatient to see
the way in front of me.
Despite knowing
that You have perfect timing
I can’t help but cry
out, “Give me a sign!”
And in my real world,

I’m tripping in the dark of the future.
And constantly losing the battle
between stepping forward with You
and feeling a need to crumple where I stand.

This free will thing is hard,
for both of us.
But then, I feel the surprise
of a coincidence: a moment
where the right person calls
or a reading in church clarifies it all,

and I know that You are there
and out of each of my failings You
are repairing and restoring the wreckage.

To lose faith is to doubt Your power,
but I wouldn’t mind
being hit with a bit of thunder
if I do happen to take a wrong step.