Read

Finding the Humor in Grief

Creator:
Published:
December 14, 2023
April 24, 2023
Listening to a funny eulogy helped this author grieve the loss of her grandmother.

Death isn’t funny. 

It’s often tragic, sad, painful, shocking, even gruesome. But there’s nothing funny about losing a loved one.

So imagine my surprise when I found myself laughing to the point of tears at my grandmother’s funeral. My grandma had died at the age of 69 after a bitter fight with ALS, leaving my family heartbroken. The priest at her funeral began by sharing stories of our memories with her — stories we’d told him and one another, stories we’d collected that told of the life of an incredible woman. He spoke of her devotion to her children and grandchildren, her humor, her joy, and — of course — her love of Guinness. 

And then, he pulled out a bottle of Guinness from the pulpit, set it on her casket, and said, “This one’s for you, Ann.” 

I cracked up. And I wasn’t the only one, either. Because my grandma would have thought that was hilarious. Because it was hilarious. Because it was just so her. That breaking of the ice, that moment of shocking joy, helped us feel my grandma’s presence among us. It helped us remember who she was, say goodbye, and find that joy she brought to us in one another. 

My grandpa still has that bottle of beer, and it serves as a reminder that grief is complex, weird, and — yes, sometimes, a little funny. 

I don’t say this to make light of the experience of death, or the pain that goes along with losing a loved one. Those are real and all-encompassing. And yet, when we grieve, we don’t do so linearly. 

Humor, levity, and joy are not a part of our grieving process because we are unfeeling, crass, broken creatures. Joy and sadness are both a part of death precisely because they are both a part of life. Our lives are messy and complicated, and we learn to let emotions and experiences exist and coexist without questioning or judging them. 

When we find moments of levity within the grieving process, I believe it is our way of fully embracing the greatness of what we have lost. When I think back on my grandma, I reflect on the magic she brought to my childhood. I think of her quirks, the things she’d always say, the foods she loved the most. I think about the fact that she never got to meet my husband, and while that breaks my heart, I also find joy in knowing how much she would have loved sipping a beer with him. 

I’m so grateful that my grandmother’s funeral mass had such moments of joy and humor, because it so fully encompassed for me who she was. If I were to ignore the levity that has come along with the grieving process, I would be doing myself — and her — a disservice, closing off my heart and remembering her as a caricature of who she was. When we allow ourselves to feel every emotion that comes along with grieving—pain, sadness, fear, anger, humor, joy, confusion — we become raw and vulnerable. We allow ourselves to accept the gravity of loss, to remember and continue experiencing the love we experienced from the ones who loved us well. And we are transformed, carrying that love and that joy with us as we live honoring their memory.

Death isn’t funny. But grief sometimes is. So the next time you feel guilty for experiencing joy amid very real pain, give yourself the grace to experience those emotions with one another — and if you’re so inclined, crack open a Guinness and drink it with a smile.

Creators:
Molly Cruitt
Published:
December 14, 2023
April 24, 2023
On a related note...
Gardening: A Practice of Patience, a Place of Connection

Gardening: A Practice of Patience, a Place of Connection

Christina Baker

A reflective narrative by Christina Baker.

This Young Climate Activist Seeks to Make a Better World

This Young Climate Activist Seeks to Make a Better World

Grotto

Gatsby’s Great Desire Leaves Us Wondering What We Really Want

Gatsby’s Great Desire Leaves Us Wondering What We Really Want

Catherine Sullivan

St. Matthew Spotify Playlist | #GrottoMusic

St. Matthew Spotify Playlist | #GrottoMusic

Grotto

Podcast S1 | Ep2: Finding Generosity

Podcast S1 | Ep2: Finding Generosity

Grotto

First Day of Winter Spotify Playlist | #GrottoMusic

First Day of Winter Spotify Playlist | #GrottoMusic

Grotto

5 Lessons Learned in 5 Years of Marriage

5 Lessons Learned in 5 Years of Marriage

Matt Paolelli

What Should You Do if You Get in a Minor Car Accident?

What Should You Do if You Get in a Minor Car Accident?

Grotto

Teaching Strangers Double Dutch on Brooklyn Streets

Teaching Strangers Double Dutch on Brooklyn Streets

Grotto

4 Ways to Respond When Your Goals Feel Out of Reach

4 Ways to Respond When Your Goals Feel Out of Reach

Robert Christian

Free Download: Questions to Ask Elderly Loved Ones

Free Download: Questions to Ask Elderly Loved Ones

Grotto

How to Accompany a Friend Through an Unplanned Pregnancy

How to Accompany a Friend Through an Unplanned Pregnancy

Sarah Portner, LMSW

8 Ways We Can Join the Fight to Help the Earth

8 Ways We Can Join the Fight to Help the Earth

Lauren Fritz

5 Things You Can Do Right Now to Help Immigrants

5 Things You Can Do Right Now to Help Immigrants

Grotto

The Best Gift Anyone Can Give This Christmas

The Best Gift Anyone Can Give This Christmas

Krista Steele

“Out of the Plane and Into the Sky”

“Out of the Plane and Into the Sky”

Josh Noem

What My Cancer Taught Me About Hope

What My Cancer Taught Me About Hope

Mary Beth May

The Small Art Stuck in this War

The Small Art Stuck in this War

Javi Zubizarreta

St. Vincent de Paul Spotify Playlist | #GrottoMusic

St. Vincent de Paul Spotify Playlist | #GrottoMusic

Grotto

March Madness Champions and Their ‘Painful Gift’

March Madness Champions and Their ‘Painful Gift’

Grotto Shares

newsletter

We’d love to be pals.

Sign up for our newsletter, and we’ll meet you in your inbox each week.